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Jaklarna - Chapt2

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Jaklarna 2

Tiendrel entered the house with a satisfied smile on his face. Torr’Endereil house was no more, and he was going to receive his reward, for sure.

As he walked along the dark corridor he savored his victory, still remembering the battle, trying to fix the better moments in his mind forever. In the deepest of his heart, the best moment of all was when he killed the Matron of the rival House. He has been quicker than his sisters, and he was going to be sure Matron Eslyse knew about it.

In the long corridor he crossed many of the house priestesses coming from the throne room. House Torr’Endereil was no more, but the Matron of house Pik’Lubarn wanted reports about the attack towards the house that did never exist. Tiendrel loved Drow politics.

His elder sister Lubana crossed his path. The look she gave him was not at all friendly. Tiendrel usually tried not to get in her way. Not only she was a Lolth High priestess, but she was also a head taller than him. But today was his day, and they both knew it. So, when Lubana stopped in the middle of the corridor, blocking his path, Tiendrel simply smiled up to his sister.

-- You did not respect the orders, Tiendrel, grunted Lubana.

-- I know, I know, he smiled. But what can I say? You know I have always been unpredictable.

-- Do not make fun of it, young male!

Tiendrel mind flashed back to the moment his blade opened a bloody smile on Matron Tasharei neck. Oh, Lolth! How he wished to do the same to that stupid female standing in front of him! But he achieved to stay calm, looking straight into the eyes of his sister until she growled, leaving his way free towards the throne room. For some time Tiendrel knew he was untouchable. It was not going to last, though, and he also knew Lubana was not going to forget his disrespect, but for the moment he did not care.

When he stepped into the throne room he waited to be summoned to his mother. Lots of servants walked around in a noisy mess. What a contrast with house Torr’Endereil throne room! In this room the throne occupied the centre of the round surface. His mother was sitting there, hearing the reports of his younger sisters who were in charge of the direct assault to the rival armies. Tiendrel walked around a bit, looking at the jewels decorating the wall tapestries. No much Drow houses possessed tapestries. Normal, when you thought Drow usually lived in the dark, but Matron Eslyse has obtained some interesting pieces for her throne room: magical tissues that produced a dim light in the dark. Those tapestries could be seen even with no light.

Tiendrel looked to the unfamiliar scenes with a critical mood. Strange greenish things were represented, along with a green land under a blue roof: the surface. Those pieces came from the surface, and even if never having been there, Tiendrel knew it looked like that.

Turning around he saw his sisters still reporting to his mother, so he walked along a bit longer. Yes, that throne room was definitely different from the one he had just raided hours ago. It was richer, better decorated, and much more crowded. The young Drow folded his nose in disdain. It was richer, yes, but way inferior on his opinion. The throne room of Matron Tasharei was the ideal conception of a Drow spirit, created with the solely purpose of defending the Matron and putting the visitors in an inferior position. As Tiendrel walked along the walls, stepping behind the throne as he visited the tapestries, he thought in disdain that no decent Matron would allow her back to be exposed like that. His mother was a weak.


-- Tiendrel, I am waiting your report.

The young male cursed himself. He has not noticed his sisters leaving the room. With dignity he walked in front of his mother, kneeling and being sure not to cross her eyes.

-- I am at your command, Matron Eslyse.

-- Stand and talk.

The warrior stood and looked to his mother. Another choking contrast with Matron Tasharei; where this last has been a beautiful representative of the Drow females, his mother looked more like some old ghoul.

Clearing his throat, Tiendrel started his report, trying to make sure everyone in the room heard the tale of his victory.

-- The attack was a total surprise for our enemies. They did expect something like this to happen, but they did not think it would happen so soon. Their defenses were not ready and it was easy to enter their house. Then, as our warriors and goblins attacked their men in arms I found my path clear to the throne room of house Torr'Endereil.

-- Why did you leave your post? You were in command of the army, not in charge of killing the females.

Tiendrel tried to suppress the nervous shiver than ran through his body. He has been expecting the question, and his mother voice, if not angry, was not friendly neither.

-- I thought that with the enemy army under control, the most important thing was to kill the nobles. I knew my sisters were in charge of it, but since my mission was ended I thought I could help them.

-- Are you telling me your sisters were not able to handle the situation on their own? You thought your help was essential?

-- No, I never thought that!, said Tiendrel trying to look self confident.

His mother looked at him down from her throne and the young warrior had to call of his self-control not to let his rising anger show. How did that old owl dare talking to him like that!?

-- Continue... , told his mother.

-- The house was nearly empty, all the servants and slaves had joined the army outside. It was easy task to reach the nobility rooms. The younger Torr’Endereil daughter died in a corridor. I saw her exit a room dressed in her battle gear and gave her no time to spot me. I used a poisoned dart from the darkness and ended her miserable live with my own sword.

-- Are you sure she died?

-- I am. I separated her head from her body.

-- Go on.

Tiendrel smiled to himself. The report has not been glorious until reaching that point, and he knew it. He has just been lucky. But at this point he wanted all to hear his history.

-- When I reached Torr’Endereil throne room my sisters were struggling to survive under the enemies. We had little information about Torr’Endereil throne room, and my sisters entered it unwarned, turning their back to the danger. I was not that stupid and profited of the struggle to enter the room and walk towards our enemies backs. My first dagger hit the daughter at the base of her neck, and she was dead as soon, her dorsal spine slit. I took more time to kill the Matron, slitting her throat from ear to ear.

-- So, you are telling me that you used the fact that your sisters were battling the enemies to kill them from their back and take the honors.

Tiendrel was boiling inside. It was not happening at all as he expected. He did not care at all about his mother opinion, but he has expected at least for one time in his life that the old ghoul admitted he has been better than his sisters, and that everyone in the room heard of it. Torr'Endereil house was no more, and in Drow standards has never existed. No one except the nobles of his family would ever know it has been him who killed the Torr'Endereil females, and never again he would be allowed to talk about it. He looked to his feet, still kneeling and trying to contain his nerves.

-- Good work, Tiendrel, I am proud of you.

The young looked surprised to the Matron.

-- Yes, you used the work of the others to your advantage. But who is to blame of it if not your sisters? If they were weak enough not to be able to battle two single Drow females, they do not deserve any recognition. And I do not even want to think of what would have happened if you had not killed the second daughter in the corridors. Go now, Tiendrel.

He bowed a reverence and walked towards the exit.

-- Tiendrel?

-- Yes matron?

The Drow stopped and turned towards the throne.

-- If you ever disobey again my orders you will not live enough to talk about it.

Once Tiendrel left the throne room, Matron Eslyse remained silent for a moment. She indeed was proud of her son, but he was a simple male. She had to control herself not to kill him each time she summoned him. Her son was too proud and young.

With a clasping of her hands all the servants and guards left the throne room and the door was closed. She then could relax for a moment. She hated the role she played in front of her family. She knew Tiendrel and his sisters thought she was weak, that her throne room and her behavior did not suit a Matron. Little did they know that under her ample and useless robe she always wore a chain mail and that her throne room was filled with magical defenses. Since the birth of Lubana, the elder, Matron Eslyse has been playing a role. She pretended to be weak in front of her children, decadent and useless; that way they acted openly in front of her and she was able to control them. But she has been playing that role for so long that sometimes she wondered if her weakness was not becoming too real.

Getting out of the uncomfortable throne she walked towards the simple Lolth shrine on one side of the room. Where other families had big statues and art pieces of the goddess, Matron Eslyse only had a small shrine, but that too was part of her role playing. Her little spider statue was bathed every day in the blood of ten slaves, giving to it more power than other Lolth icons.

-- Oh Lolth! Hear your servant! Be glad of those that punished the traitors and dishonored! House Torr’Endereil is no more. We did it for you!

The Matron kneeled in front of the little spider statue and slitting open the palm of her left hand, she dropped some of her own blood over the stone, as she did every time she prayed to the Dark Mother.

But, as her blood touched the stone, Matron Eslyse suppressed a gasp of terror and had to retain herself not to stand and walk away. Her blood evaporated as soon as it touched the stone, forming a black mist that floated away. In three hundred years never the Matron has felt such a terror: her gift to the goddess has been refused! Just before vanishing though, the Matron could read something in the middle of the mist, something that scared her, something that made her blood boil in rage.

-- Tiendreeeeeel!

Just before vanishing, the mist carried this frightening message: "Two daughters live..."
Second chapter of Jaklarna drow adventures.
I still have to correct the first chapter with your feedback. That will be done, I promise.
© 2004 - 2024 ElBorja
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DrowKat's avatar
Sorry I took so long! ^^; My family kept me from DA and my homework.

"He has been quicker than his sisters, and he was going to be sure Matron Eslyse knew about it."
~Change "has been" to "was"

"In the long corridor he crossed many of the house priestesses coming from the throne room."
~Just add a comma after "corridor"

"House Torr’Endereil was no more, but the Matron of house Pik’Lubarn wanted reports about the attack towards the house that did never exist."
~Change "that did never exist" to "that never existed".

"-- You did not respect the orders, Tiendrel, grunted Lubana."
~I still think it would be better if you quoted what they say. So it would look like this: "You did not respect the orders, Tiendrel," grunted Lubana.

"Tiendrel mind flashed back to the moment his blade opened a bloody smile on Matron Tasharei neck."
~Change "Tiendrel" to "Tiendrel's"

"How he wished to do the same to that stupid female standing in front of him!"
~Change "that" to "the"

"What a contrast with house Torr’Endereil throne room!
~Change "with" to "to". Change "Torr’Endereil" to "Torr’Endereil's".

"In this room the throne occupied the centre of the round surface."
~Just add a comma after "room".

"No much Drow houses possessed tapestries."
~I believe you want to say, "No other Drow house possessed tapestries."

"Normal, when you thought Drow usually lived in the dark, but Matron Eslyse has obtained some interesting pieces for her throne room: magical tissues that produced a dim light in the dark."
~"Normal, when you remember Drow usually live in the dark, but Matron Eslyse has obtained the interesting pieces for her throne room: magical tissues that produced a dim light in the darkness."

"Those tapestries could be seen even with no light."
~This confuses me a little. Are you saying that the tapestries can be seen in the infared spectrum as well, or are you repeating that they glow ing the dark?

"Those pieces came from the surface, and even if never having been there, Tiendrel knew it looked like that."
~Change "and even if never having been there," to "and although he never been there". It flows better that way.

"Turning around he saw his sisters still reporting to his mother, so he walked along a bit longer."
~Add a comma after "around".

"Yes, that throne room was definitely different from the one he had just raided hours ago."
~Change "that" to "this".

"It was richer, better decorated, and much more crowded."
~Change "It" to "This one". Because you are talking about Tiendrel's house, not the house that now doesn't exist.

"The throne room of Matron Tasharei was the ideal conception of a Drow spirit, created with the solely purpose of defending the Matron and putting the visitors in an inferior position."
~Change "a" to "the". Change "solely" to "sole".

"His mother was a weak.
~Take out the "a".

"He has not noticed his sisters leaving the room."
~Change "has" to "had". Change leaving" to "left".

"Another choking contrast with Matron Tasharei; where this last has been a beautiful representative of the Drow females, his mother looked more like some old ghoul."
~Change "where this last has" to "she had". Take out the "the: before "Drow". Add a "but" before "his".

"His mother looked at him down from her throne and the young warrior had to call of his self-control not to let his rising anger show."
~ Change "His mother looked at him down" to "His mother looked down at him". Change "call" to "use all".

"How did that old owl dare talking to him like that!? "
~"How dare that old owl talk to him like that!?"

"-- Continue... , told his mother."
~Suggested sentance change: "Continue," his mother told him.

"It was easy task to reach the nobility rooms. "
~Change "nobility" to "the nobles'".

"The report has not been glorious until reaching that point, and he knew it."
~Change "has" to "had".

"I was not that stupid and profited of the struggle to enter the room and walk towards our enemies backs."
~Change "of" to "off".

"My first dagger hit the daughter at the base of her neck, and she was dead as soon, her dorsal spine slit."
~Change "as soon" to "quickly".

"He did not care at all about his mother opinion, but he has expected at least for one time in his life that the old ghoul admitted he has been better than his sisters, and that everyone in the room heard of it. "
~Change "mother" to "mother's". Change "has" to "had". Change "has been" to "was". Take out the "of" before "it".

"Torr'Endereil house was no more, and in Drow standards has never existed."
~Change "has" to "it".

"No one except the nobles of his family would ever know it has been him who killed the Torr'Endereil females, and never again he would be allowed to talk about it."
~Change "has" to "had".

"The young looked surprised to the Matron."
~Add "male" after "young".

"-- If you ever disobey again my orders you will not live enough to talk about it."
~"If you ever disobey my orders again, you will not live long enough to talk about it."

"With a clasping of her hands all the servants and guards left the throne room and the door was closed."
~I think you mean "clapping" not "clasping".

"Little did they know that under her ample and useless robe she always wore a chain mail and that her throne room was filled with magical defenses. "
~Add a comma after "robe". Take out the "a" before "chain". Put a comma before the "and" too.

"But she has been playing that role for so long that sometimes she wondered if her weakness was not becoming too real."
~Add a comma after "long". Take out the "not" before "becoming".

"Getting out of the uncomfortable throne she walked towards the simple Lolth shrine on one side of the room."
~Add a comma after "throne".

"The Matron kneeled in front of the little spider statue and slitting open the palm of her left hand, she dropped some of her own blood over the stone, as she did every time she prayed to the Dark Mother."
~"The Matron kneeled in front of the little spider statue, slit open the palm of her left hand, and dropped some of her own blood over the stone, as she did every time she prayed to the Dark Mother."

"In three hundred years never the Matron has felt such a terror: her gift to the goddess has been refused!"
~"In three hundred years, never had the Matron felt and seen such a terror: her gift to the goddess has been refused!"

"Just before vanishing though, the Matron could read something in the middle of the mist, something that scared her, something that made her blood boil in rage."
~Add an "and" before "something that made her blood".

Okay there you go! ^_^ Hope this helps lots! :cookie: